It was like being whacked over the head with a plank. I realized my favorite color was blue. Okay, I guess to say that my favorite color “changed” is inaccurate—my favorite color had been blue all along. But I was so busy pretending to be someone whose favorite color was green that all those deep, primal feelings that blue evoked in me flew straight over my head.
Green makes me feel peaceful, clean. Blue makes me feel chaotic, tormented, like I’m dissolving, like I’m hatching, like I’m shaving my head and howling and failing at everything and screaming and running. Running, running faster than I’ve ever run before on some cold and mysterious planet and I’m running, not because I’m scared, I’m running because I’m ecstatic, and the only way to maintain the ecstasy is to keep running, every millisecond faster than the last. And I never stop running, I never stop getting faster, and I never die. That’s how blue makes me feel.